riding the tiger

12.30 am no sleep

got my first murakami today, no work day, well apart from some saaf-safai. cleaned out bathroom to a sparkle, kitchen to a shine, the bedroom to a gloss. (stop wincing, it was a clever idea). lady turns up tomorrow, fridge stocked with whole milk and butter, she can't live without these. the sri lanka australia match playing in the background, with ravi shastri saying to my utter shock that the batting team would like to keep their wickets and the bowling team would like to take them. I will die and that man will be saying this then as well. Well, that won't happen, because dear friends, hear me this, cricket is a dying game, the whole thing is ridiculous. but this is another idea. oh god now wasim says wickets are key...

somewhat of a celebration I suppose, advisor sahab says the paper is ready to be sent, I can send it to him for comments, but honest f*er he is, says he will take some time to reply. diagnosed with skin cancer, face all bandaged. i ask if a serial killer came over for breakfast. gives a loud laugh informs me of cancer, my face denotes shock. then the counter "99% recovery rate, and the 1% left usually survive second round of treatment". pale reminder of our mortal ways, the over 300 citation paper thins into vapor comparatively.

well, so it looks like this thing is taking off. who knows I may be published sometime. whatay turnaround from 10 years ago when I was struggling to be even a mediocre student in an uninspired undergrad degree. but there is a massive amount to be done. the coolest thing, the dissertation has formed itself into a nice tight little ball. everything connects in a intimate fashion, there is a beauty in it, the logical completeness of it. I can't put it in words, I can sketch the logic of it though.

the funny thing about doing work you believe in: how much less you believe in others.